It’s just mad freakin crazy how much emotion can overtake your body physically when you really put your mind and heart into something.
The two seem to be on different sides of the spectrum in regards to just being but are so so deeply intertwined if you allow it to. I am really letting myself get vulnerable with this one. Dancing in front of strangers. Talking to myself in public. Just really digging deep.
It, at first, seems really bothersome that revisiting the pain allows it to linger on my body, even hours after the release, but that is the reality of not running away. Of rationalizing your emotions and really allowing yourself to feel what you feel because you have the complete right to, and denying such would just be plain unnatural and inexpedient.
I have always doubted myself as a dancer, and I know I still have great lengths to grow and perhaps I will never get that far.
But I know what I am able to do in this small little community of mine. I have the ability to inspire. I am one heck of a teacher. Where I was years ago would love to see me now. In the words of Macklemore:
This Is Freaking Awesomeeee.
For a long time, I think I’ve been inspired a lot by vulnerability and the strength that comes from it. The truth is, inspiration comes from reality and it has been one that I have been living and reliving for the past two years now.
It’s a familiar feeling that I keep seeing myself go back to because to fully pass it would be to finally feel the giant shift in my life and nothing that drastic has yet to occur. Perhaps this is because a giant shift has never been needed.
Little did I know, or.. scratch that. I just needed a reminder that I’ve always been strong and healthy.
I am currently trying to push myself to be better in all forms. Music, Life, Family, Friends & in this case: Dance.
My New Inspiration?
A Ball of Yarn
In most cases, a ball of yarn is described in it’s attributes of its unraveling. The metaphor is in regards to a person’s life falling to pieces in front of them with little to no control over the outcome. A “collected” person will just unravel and unravel until there is nothing left of them.
I want to flip that. I want to demonstrate that from the unraveling comes beauty. That a single rolling string of yarn represents travel. It is something Hansel and Gretel can use to mark their paths taken. It is something an aviator uses on his pin-board to mark the airways of flight that he has taken across the world. All the knots and tangles of the ball are getting loose and life is truly making total sense.
For anyone that has ever lost someone.
For anyone who has ever lost control of a situation out of their hands in mere confusion.
For anyone who has felt the end of the relationship but still feels the aftermath of not knowing.
Mobility Vs. Immobility
—> The drive to walk again. The drive to be better.
—> You are never alone.
Constriction Vs. Freedom
—> Structure meets a release of emotion unfiltered.
—> Allow your self to hurt. Allow yourself to understand. Allow yourself to take the opportunity to rationalize what you can make out of a dark situation, and from there continue on in doing what you know best.
I want to go to both sides of the spectrum. I want to explore the dark. I want to experience and relive the hurt. I want to inspire those who blur the present and past, to push to make reality out of their fears.
From there I want to reach clarity, or to at least reach some sense of comfort with no barrier or shield to protect me.
Yarn can be weaved and patterned into a beautiful product of strength.
May the force be with you motha fucker.
Dance like no one’s watching.
Why try? Why not.
A still from yesterday’s shoot. New video coming soon!
My theory on love and place in time:
Regardless of where we are in life, there is no disregarding the fact that you were the love of my life because in that point in life, you were my love.
And who knows what the future may hold. People will encounter many loves of their life, and each one did not chronologically lead to “The Last”. This person is not necessarily “the one” or “your soulmate”. They are simply just the last of your loves. May it be a factor of life the divides you two apart, no one can erase the walls broken and the love that was created.
Like lullabies you are, forever in my mind.
I see you in all, the pieces of my life.
Though you weren’t “mine”,
You’re my first love.